Porn Makes Headlines, Healthy Sexuality? Not so much.

A woman’s life can be changed forever when she learns to love her body. Gaining strength and confidence in her power and beauty can make her whole. Her self love will potentially influence her romantic relationships, her family life, her career and more all for the better.

But this sort of personal transformation is of little interest to the mainstream media and is not considered big news. A couple’s intimate reunion after an affair is not making headlines. A newly out transgender person’s confidence and self love is not typically getting the attention of the TV reporter. A woman’s first orgasm at 47 is apparently inappropriate for evening broadcast.

But the controversy of potential porn in your local movie theater is the scary and racy enough headline that gets our city’s attention.

When we recently blogged on our beloved, local Duke City Fix about Pornotopia Film Festival 2010 being censored and on hold, we were greeted with rich, enthusiastic dialogue about porn, sexuality and censorship. It’s exactly the kind of healthy community discussion which we relish.

One commenter on the thread made me think. He posed, “The censorship bloody shirt gets waved around fairly regularly by the Self Serve bunch. Sometimes you wonder if it is not central to their marketing…”

It truly made me think about what we do that matters most at Self Serve. Yes, the 1st amendment and free speech are gravely important to me. But do I want to spend all my time fighting for it? Personally, I don’t.

When the local news stopped by to interview me about Pornotopia the other day, I had to briefly step away from a customer. A woman holding a sleeping toddler had brought in her friend to Self Serve for the first time. The friend was looking for a sex toy she could use with her husband. She was soft-spoken and a bit shy. I assured her the news and camera would not film or record her at all, and assured her of the safe space we provide. I answered questions about using a toy with her husband. She smiled and relaxed a bit as we talked. After our conversation, she seemed a lot more at ease being near all the toys and asking me, a stranger, about sex tips.

Giving people that reassurance and peace of mind about sex and relationships makes me proud. So many of us have pent-up, shame-filled questions and concerns about our bodies, our sex lives and our intimate relationships. It’s challenging to even talk about it in public or admit that we don’t know everything. These deeply intimate and utterly human questions deserve space for discussion and healing. That is what Self Serve provides.

Porn may be part of that pleasure and healing for some. So what? Big deal. As Alan Isaacman states in the film The People vs. Larry Flynt:

I like that I live in a country where I can pick up Hustler magazine, read it if I want or throw it in the trash if that’s where I think it belongs. Or I can not buy it. I like that right.I care about it.And you should care about it too, because we live in a free country.

We say that a lot, but sometimes we forget what that means, so listen again. We live in a free country. That is a powerful idea.That’s a magnificent way to live. But there is a price for that freedom, which is that sometimes we have to tolerate things that we don’t necessarily like.

Consenting adults should have the right to watch some porn if they want. And yes, even at a public movie theater if they so choose.

When the media rallies around Pornotopia Film Festival to get the scoop, what are they really focused on? Are they worried about infringements on the first amendment? Are they concerned groundbreaking erotic films will get censored? Or are they excited at any hot topic with the word porn in it?

It’s easier to go around talking about the first amendment and free speech, political and broad issues, than to have an honest discussion about what turns us on and what is missing in our sex lives. Sure, I’d love it if the news came and interviewed us about real people’s lives changing after visiting Self Serve. But no station is knocking down our door with concerns about female libido during menopause.

We’re not trying to get censored at every turn, Muskrat Sam. But when real sex in film, a woman’s vulva or a group of feminists loving porn is too dangerous to be allowed publicly online or in theaters, we are going to respond as loudly as possible.

If someone’s life does change in a profound way because they heard about Self Serve via Pornotopia or news about Pornotopia, then I’m proud that our role as porn freedom fighters is doing some good.