Ask Self Serve – Lasting Longer in Bed

Question: Recently, I find myself coming a few minutes after I begin sex. I’m able to last when receiving oral sex, but have little control during intercourse. We used to have long, wonderful sex sessions. I’ve tried many methods (start/stop, topical desensitizers, condoms, etc) with little success. I jack off a few times a week and wonder if I haven’t trained myself to come quickly. Any chance a penis sleeve or toy would help me learn control again?

Answer: Thank you for sending us your question, we hear it alot. There are a few options you might try that can help you last longer.


Many people masturbate a very specific way, which trains your body to have orgasms in that specific way. If you orgasm in a particular position or rhythm, put off that position or rhythm until your partner has had one (or more!) orgasms. In the meantime, use your mouth/hands/sex toys to last longer. The Multiorgasmic Male by Mantak Chia can help you learn about your body and develop ‘sustainable’ lovemaking.


Penis sleeves can also be an endurance trainer. The Tenga Flip Hole Black is a popular sleeve, with a soft, diversely textured inside, and a hard plastic case with ‘buttons’ on the outside so you can control pressure. The toy’s reviewer said when he first used it, he wore a condom because he was too sensitive to the textures. He built up endurance over time, and with practice, you can too!

You could also try an erection ring, which can help you last longer because it keeps blood in the penis. Rings generally go behind the testicles and over the shaft. One of our favorite rings is the silicone Super Soft C Ring.

When you’re training to last longer, it’s important that you don’t ‘give in’ and go back to masturbating the way that makes you orgasm quickly. If you want to change an outcome, change the repetitive behavior that’s producing results you don’t enjoy. It might be frustrating, and sometimes you might not orgasm. But if you take the time to train your body to orgasm from different types of stimulation, it pays off with a partner.


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Questions are answered by Self Serve Staff and edited by Hunter Riley.

Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare provider for any medical condition.