Ask Self Serve – Libido and Sex Drive

Question: My girlfriend never wants to have sex…I feel annoying. What do I do?!JimmyJane Afterglow Massage Oil Candle


Answer: It can be frustrating to always be the person who initiates sex, so it’s a good idea to talk about this in a sensitive, understanding way so she doesn’t feel inadequate and you feel heard. Talking about issues around sex can be difficult, but just remember to be compassionate, honest and clear about what you want. While sex may not be the MOST important thing in a relationship, we say it can be the glue that helps keep you together. She could be stressed out, and stress is a potent libido killer. If that’s the case, try asking her what you can do to help reduce her stress. It might be something as simple as giving her a massage for 10 minutes when she gets home. Our massage oil candles help set the mood, because of the candlelight and the wax turns into warmed massage oil once you burn the candle for a bit. She also might just need more time to get turned on. It’s common that women need more time for arousal than men. If a man is horny, his body is often ready to go. For women, we may like the idea of having sex, but our body isn’t aroused yet, so it doesn’t feel good to dive right in. You might start with intimate touching and kissing. Try going down on her and giving her an orgasm with your mouth, hands or toys before you even take your pants off. It’s also possible she just has a lower libido than you do. The only way to know for sure is to ask her. Luckily having these conversations can help you two bond and feel more intimate with each other, which frequently leads to sex. We also carry some books that might help you both find out more information on libido.


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Questions are answered by Self Serve Staff and edited by Hunter Riley.

Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare provider for any medical condition