Ask Self Serve – Performance Anxiety and Penis Training

Question: He has no problem getting hard – until he’s about to put it in me. I know it’s in his head, not physical. How can I help?

Answer: Thank you for your question. It’s common for guys to go through different phases of erectile health and stamina. There are several stereotypes that if guys can’t last forever, they aren’t a good lover. That idea can cause stress and anxiety in men, which can affect how their erections and brains respond to sex.


It’s important to talk with your partner to see if there’s something specific that’s making him feel anxious. Communicating about desires and fears not only helps us be better lovers, it also increases intimacy. Try talking about it in a private, safe environment when clothes are still on. That relieves pressure, too.

Consider reading The Multi Orgasmic Male by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams. It’s one of our favorite books that helps men understand and practice sustainable lovemaking. We also recommend the Hardness Factor by Steven Lamm, which looks at erectile health from several angles to help men have a positive relationship with their penis.

Encourage him to do some ‘training’ when he masturbates. It’s common that people have a specific way they masturbate, which can make being with a partner a little more difficult. Your body isn’t always prepared for what it’s going to experience. One of our top-selling penis toys is the Tenga Flip Hole Black. It offers a variety of sensation for the penis. The user can make the sleeve as tight or as flexible as they like, which means masturbation can be more or less challenging to sustain. After the ‘training’, he may be more prepared for sex with a partner. It’s like practice before the big game. Add an erection ring to this party and his erection will feel fuller, last longer, and his orgasms will be more explosive.

Between books, sex toys and plenty of open communication we hope you both can have some fun learning about his erection and maximizing everyone’s pleasure.

Email your questions to

Questions are answered by Self Serve Staff and edited by Hunter Riley.

Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare provider for any medical condition.