Ask Self Serve – Sex and Relaxation

Question: Every time I have sex, I feel distracted and I can’t really enjoy myself. How do I get past that?

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Answer: We spend much of our days in our heads figuring things out. We’re frequently analyzing, labeling, reacting, problem solving etc., so it can be hard to get OUT of your head and into your body. It’s really common for people to have sex without actually checking in with their body before, during and after the experience. Luckily, your head is a part of your body so they actually are more connected than you think. Learning how to tune your head into listening to your body is the secret to connected sex.

We’ve got two classes in July that can help you relax & really feel your body and the places we feel pleasure during sex or solo play. The first class is on Wednesday July 17th, and it’s “Yoga for Hot Sex” taught by Avery Kalapa. Avery is a local yoga instructor who is passionate about helping people connect with themselves and partners. The second class is on Wednesday July 31st, “Relaxation for Pleasure and Orgasm”. Both classes are open to anyone over the age of 18, no matter your experience level with yoga or movement all bodies are welcome. For more details about these classes and to sign up, go to selfservetoys.com/events.

You can also do activities that put you in touch with your body before having sex, such as a massage. We carry a variety of scented massage oil candles that have wax that melts into lightly warmed massage oil. Giving and receiving massage is a fantastic way to help someone leave behind a stressful day or week and enjoy the sensation of being touched.

Another fun, inexpensive way to get yourself out of your head during masturbation or sex is to wear a blindfold and put some music on. This can help you be less distracted by what you’re seeing and draw you into a place where you focus on receiving and experiencing sensation, exactly how it feels. This can also be a great way for you to learn what feels good on your body. Some women like stimulation on the left side of the vulva versus the right side. Some men enjoy penis stimulation further down on the shaft rather than closer to the tip. Wearing a blindfold and letting sensations absorb your focus can help put you in tune with what you like. Take as much time as your body needs to experiment with relaxation and pleasure, it’s worth the effort.