A personal note from Matie Fricker, owner of Self Serve Toys.
On January 24th, Self Serve Toys turns 19 years old.
We’re celebrating the only way we know how: with prizes, community love, and gratitude for nearly two decades of shared care. Nineteen years of showing up for Albuquerque with curiosity, humor, education, and a fierce commitment to pleasure without shame.
It is also our last Birthday—and our last Valentine’s Day—in this current incarnation of Self Serve.
The world has changed dramatically in the nineteen years since we opened our doors. And after a long, honest reckoning, I’ve come to a hard and unflinching truth: it is no longer sustainable to continue as we are.
A Labor of Love—and a Cost We Can No Longer Carry
Self Serve has always been a labor of love. Like many small business owners, I have carried debt every single day since we opened. The people who work here—including me—have never made a true living wage. That is not something I say lightly, and it is not something I am willing to continue normalizing.
What we have done—gloriously, consistently, and with deep care—for nearly two decades is offer Albuquerque comprehensive, pleasure-based education and a place that feels human, safe, and shame-free.
We have helped you through some of the biggest transitions of your lives. We’ve celebrated your joy, and we’ve held your fear, grief, trauma, and shame—often in the very same conversation. Those moments have mattered more than any balance sheet ever could.
Recently, a customer shared this with us:
“I’ve dealt with sexual trauma, and sex shops usually send me straight into fight-or-flight. Your store was the first one where I didn’t feel that coming on. I felt safe. I felt calm. I felt… normal. That’s not a small thing. That’s the kind of environment people remember for the rest of their lives.”
That message captures exactly why we’ve done this work. It has been the greatest gift of my life to do something I love so deeply for so long.
Albuquerque—I am forever grateful for the life you’ve given me throughout my entire adult life.
To each and every one of you who has made Self Serve the space it has been: thank you. You shopped with us, came back, and told the people you trust — your partners, your best friend, your gynecologist, your divorce lawyer, your co-parent, your exes, and your entire polycule. Those choices kept our doors open in a world where so many spaces like ours have disappeared.
Why Things Are Changing
Even as our mission has stayed the same, the reality of running a brick-and-mortar business has grown harder every single year.
The cost of goods has risen. Rent, utilities, insurance, and payroll have risen. Our customers’ day-to-day expenses have risen—dramatically. Buying habits have shifted as nearly everything in the world is now available online, at prices and speeds independent stores can’t realistically match.
In my commitment to running a feminist, values-driven business, I’ve had to face a painful truth: the most basic responsibility of a business is to meet the needs of the people working in it. And Self Serve cannot currently do that.
Every staff member here—including me—has been living on a bare-bones, necessity-only payroll for years. That is not sustainable.
There simply isn’t enough money coming in to keep shelves full, meet ever-expanding customer expectations, and provide a livable future for the people who make this place what it is.
We’ve fallen into a cycle that many independent businesses across the country are experiencing:
lower sales lead to less inventory,
less inventory leads to fewer reasons to visit,
and fewer visits lead to lower sales.
Carrying that stress—quietly, constantly—has not been healthy for me or for our staff. Increasing traffic and volume would require taking on more debt, and that is no longer a path I’m willing to walk.
What Happens Next
After Valentine’s Day this year, I will be putting Self Serve up for sale.
There are already interested parties—groups with multiple stores, deeper capital, and back-end efficiencies that make profitability possible in ways that have never been available to us. They can negotiate pricing we cannot, carry deeper and faster-rotating inventory, and offer things I have only ever hoped for our staff: a living wage, health care, and real opportunities for growth.
My deepest hope is that there will continue to be a sex-positive, non-judgmental, shame-free store in Nob Hill—one that honors what Self Serve has been while also being able to sustain the people who work there.
If you—or someone you know—are interested in purchasing the business, please email info@selfservetoys.com
Why I’m Telling You This Now
I don’t want to quietly close up shop. I don’t want to disappear. I want to leave something behind that could still be meaningful, useful, and supportive—for both the people who walk through the doors and the people who work inside them.
I’m sharing this openly because community has always been at the heart of Self Serve. We’ve never chosen silence over truth, or comfort over accountability. We believe in naming hard things without shame, and in making room for grief and possibility at the same time.
I know this news may be shocking. I would rather you know now—so you can celebrate, reflect, and say goodbye—than have this ending happen without you.
A Note About Supporting Our Staff
As we move through this transition, one of the most meaningful ways you can support Self Serve is by supporting the people who work here. Our staff are carrying a lot of uncertainty while continuing to show up with care, professionalism, and generosity every single day.
We welcome your love, your gratitude, and your stories of what this place has meant to you. And—we ask gently and with humor—that the heaviest grief, fear, or processing this news brings up be shared with your therapist, your journal, or your closest people rather than placed on the folks working behind the counter.
If you’d like to send messages of support, questions, or even dissatisfaction, you’re invited to send those directly to me at matie@selfservetoys.com. And if you feel moved to chip in toward a staff bonus during this transition, contributions can be sent to @selfservetoys on PayPal or Venmo.
Our team deserves steadiness, kindness, and respect as we navigate this unknown together.
To the People Who Made Self Serve What It Is
I want to say this clearly and without gloss: the people who have worked at Self Serve are the reason this place has mattered.
They showed up day after day because they believed in this work—even when it didn’t make financial sense. They were underpaid, often stigmatized in a culture that treats sex education as shameful, and because of the nature of what we do, asked to hold an extraordinary amount of emotional labor with very little structural support.
And still, they showed up with skill, integrity, humor, patience, and care.
They educated. They listened. They held boundaries. They met people where they were—without judgment and without shame. They did work that is rarely valued in the ways it should be, and they did it because they believed it mattered.
They also met me with care during some of the hardest years, and that mattered more than I can say.
It mattered because of them.
To every current and former Self Serve staff member: thank you for your labor, your courage, your tenderness, and your care for this work and for one another. This place exists because of you, and whatever comes next, the impact of what you’ve built will live on far beyond these walls.
An Invitation
I’m asking Albuquerque to come see us over the next few months.
Come celebrate with us on January 24th for our 19th birthday.
All day long, we’ll be giving away a free vibe with every purchase, and thanks to our incredible vendors, we’ll have huge prizes every hour.
Shop with us while you can.
Bring a friend who’s never been.
Tell us how Self Serve has mattered in your life.
Come to one of the classes we have scheduled between now and March—learn with us, ask questions, and be in community together.
Be gentle when we don’t have exactly what you’re looking for—and let us try to order it for you when we can.
Very few people get to do work they truly love for even one day. I was lucky enough to do it for nineteen years. Those years have been a dream made real. We are so proud of what we’ve built together, and deeply grateful for the trust you’ve placed in us.
With deep love and appreciation,
Matie