Ask Self Serve: What’s the Deal with BV?

Q. What is bacterial vaginosis? It’s a big problem for me and my other female friends. Help please! — A. Bacterial vaginosis is an infection caused by an imbalance in your normal (healthy) vaginal bacteria. It’s the most common vaginal infection women ages 15-44 experience, so you’re not alone! BV symptoms range from nothing, to white/gray discharge, […]

Ask Self Serve- What Are Self Serve Classes Like?

Question: What are your classes like and who comes to them? Are they just for couples or can single people attend? — Answer: Part of Self Serve’s mission is to offer adults sex education they find engaging, shame-free, frank and fun. We teach topics ranging from oral sex, BDSM, and polyamorous lifestyles to sex and […]

Ask Self Serve – Coming Out as Polyamorous

Question: I asked a girl on a date in-person for the first time. I normally do online or word-of-mouth dating, which provides this information beforehand in a straightforward way. I didn’t tell her I’m in a polyamorous relationship with a man, not on purpose, it was just a fluke that I asked her out. So when […]

Ask Self Serve – Performance Anxiety and Penis Training

Question: He has no problem getting hard – until he’s about to put it in me. I know it’s in his head, not physical. How can I help? — Answer: Thank you for your question. It’s common for guys to go through different phases of erectile health and stamina. There are several stereotypes that if guys […]

Ask Self Serve – Using a Clit Pump

Question: I just saw an amazing video of a woman having sex with another woman via clitoral penetration! As an owner of a very big clitoris, I was extremely turned on! Even though I think I’m as big as the girl in the video, my clit doesn’t get anywhere near as hard as hers. I’ve […]

Ask Self Serve – Toys for Prostate Stimulation

Question: I would like to try the Disco Booty for prostate stimulation. This would be my first time and I’m not sure what to do so that I would not make a mess?  — Answer: Thank you for your question! For those who don’t know, the Disco Booty is a great beginning anal toy. It’s […]

Self Serve en Español – Pregúntale a Self Serve: Eyaculación Femenina

Pregunta: Soy una mujer que eyacula y en muchas ocasiones me pongo muy húmeda y no puedo mantener a mi pareja adentro. ¿Cómo puedo minimizar la humedad para que el momento no se interrumpa? — Respuesta: En primer lugar, queremos felicitarle por su capacidad para eyacular. Es algo que muchas personas quisieran lograr, es muy […]

Ask Self Serve – Lasting Longer in Bed

Question: Recently, I find myself coming a few minutes after I begin sex. I’m able to last when receiving oral sex, but have little control during intercourse. We used to have long, wonderful sex sessions. I’ve tried many methods (start/stop, topical desensitizers, condoms, etc) with little success. I jack off a few times a week […]

Ask Self Serve – No Sex in a Kinky Triad

Question: I’m in a triad, and I love both my partners. We’re also kinky, and one of my partners is submissive. We have an intimate relationship, but no “sex”. How do we fix it? — Answer:  A first step toward happy, sexual loving is to find out why you aren’t having sex. Is it a […]

Ask Self Serve- Being Dominant in the Bedroom

Question: My boyfriend and I recently came to a sort of halt in our sexual relationship. He has been very open and wants me to be more aggressive and take charge in the bedroom. The problem is, I have no idea how. I get nervous, and worry he won’t like the things I do. I’ve […]

Ask Self Serve – Orgasm During Anal Penetration

Question: Can a female reach orgasm during anal sex? — Answer: Everybody is different and experiences pleasure uniquely. What helps one person experience orgasm won’t necessarily work for another. Many women LOVE anal play and the feeling of being “full.” Some women like anal penetration as an accompaniment to vaginal penetration or oral sex. Some […]

Ask Self Serve – Female Orgasm

Question: My girlfriend doesn’t have orgasms during sex and I want to help her have them. What can I do? — Answer:  Thank you for reaching out to us! It’s incredibly common that people, women especially, don’t experience orgasm during intercourse. I assume when you say ‘sex’ you mean penis-in-vagina (PV) sex, which is just […]

Ask Self Serve – Female Ejaculation

Question: Okay, so I’m a squirter and lots of time I get too wet and am unable to keep my partner inside. How can I help dry it out so the moment isn’t interrupted? — Answer: First off, we want to congratulate you on your ability to squirt. It’s something a lot of people are […]

Ask Self Serve – Sex and Relaxation

Question: Every time I have sex, I feel distracted and I can’t really enjoy myself. How do I get past that? — Answer: We spend much of our days in our heads figuring things out. We’re frequently analyzing, labeling, reacting, problem solving etc., so it can be hard to get OUT of your head and […]

Ask Self Serve – Gender Identity

Question: I’m not sure about my gender. Where do I get more info? — Answer: Thanks for reaching out to us. It can be daunting to find accurate and positive information about gender variance. Unfortunately, our culture still lacks  common knowledge around the differences between gender identity, gender expression, sex assigned at birth and sexual […]

Ask Self Serve – I might be bi curious

Question: I am bi curious and looking for information and sex tips. — Answer: Congrats on getting to know your sexual orientation and looking for info on how to give and receive more pleasure in your relationships! June is Pride month, so there will be lots of events where you can interact with your LGBTQ […]

Ask Self Serve – Traveling with Sex Toys

Question: I am traveling to see my partner for her graduation. I’m not checking luggage. She asked for me to bring her sex toy. Is there anyway to carry it on discreetly? Are you even allowed to carry that on? — Answer: Thanks for the question! Lots of people will leave their favorite travel buddy […]

Ask Self Serve – Sex after Abuse

Question: How do I start to get my sexuality back after years of abuse and humiliation? I want a healthy sex life but I don’t know what that is. — Answer: Thank you for reaching out to us about your question. One in four New Mexican women are survivors of sexual assault. The numbers of […]